Obsolete

give me some
pills and a nice
bottle of gin

swallow both down
without guilt
or sin

lay right back
and enjoy
the trip

don’t need no
lecture or a
life building tip

don’t need words
no comforting
spiel

I know how I
feel
my feelings are real

my last dying
breath
escapes it’s cage

no more anger
no more
rage

my purpose
now
in life obsolete

revel in my misery
as I succumb
to defeat.

The Beginning



I tried forcing myself to do it, but the more I thought about it, the more my reasoning waned.
Again, I sat and cleared my head of every thought, about everyone and every thing.
I came to the point of no return… and the deed was done.

Everything went black, and that’s when true happiness was found. Just myself, the abyss and a mass void of nothingness. The silence rang out like an orchestra reaching its deafening crescendo.

The lifeless, empty surroundings wrapped its arms around me and welcomed me like one of its own…
I’d found true happiness where nothing else could.

(C) Howard Carlyle 2021.

I Look From Below

not too long left
of this mortal coil
before hearing the lid
being hit by the soil

decaying in a box
flesh rotting away
I’ve waited too long
to live out this day

I know where I’m going
It’s easy to tell
no place earned in heaven
my place booked in hell

I did all I could and
got all I would ask
my true self was shown
by a slip of my mask

I was a man of my word
which meant nothing at all
I’d lie and I’d cheat
and succeed to appall

I promised you things and
you believed what I’d say
the path I was taking
would lead you astray

I could make you all do
whatever I please
spun sentences like a web
and I did it all with ease

I’d destroy your perception
with words that I’d use
turn love into hate and
trust into abuse

all that I’d said meant
nothing you saw
it was words just spewed
to draw you in more

I had you in my hold
you believed all I said
I look up from below
while I lay cold and dead

so now it begins and
how I’d expect
I laugh as you mourn
and pay your respect

Howard Carlyle. (C) 2021.

I Look From Below

not too long left
of this mortal coil
before hearing the lid
being hit by the soil

decaying in a box
flesh rotting away
I’ve waited too long
to live out this day

I know where I’m going
It’s easy to tell
no place earned in heaven
my place booked in hell

I did all I could and
got all I would ask
my true self was shown
by a slip of my mask

I was a man of my word
which meant nothing at all
I’d lie and I’d cheat
and succeed to appall

I promised you things
you believed what I’d say
the path I was taking
would lead you astray

I could make you all do
whatever I please
spun sentences like a web
and I did it with ease

I’d destroy your perception
with words that I’d use
turn love into hate and
trust to abuse

all that I’d said meant
nothing you saw
it was words just spewed
to draw you in more

I had you in my hold
you believed all I said
I look up from below
while I lay cold and dead

so now it begins and
how I’d expect
I laugh as you mourn
and you pay your respect

Howard Carlyle. (C) 2021.

The Madness Ends.

and tonight
the madness ends
no more voices
In my head

telling me what
to do
twisting everything
I’ve said

I want to hide away
from the world
seeking only solace
in a quiet place

blank out all and
everything
sick of the demons
I have to face

I’m used to the
mask I wear
hiding thoughts
that lurk within

too scared to
know myself
not knowing where
I’d begin

sometimes I take
comfort
with the whispers
that i hear

comforting me with
delusion
leading me to a personal hell
without fear

and tonight
the madness ends
no more voices
in my head

I’ll decide my
actions
ending everything
they’ve said

(C) Howard Carlyle. 2021