My name is Timothy Bridle and this my story.
I’d posted three lonely hearts ads in the local newspaper already and no one had replied. I was beginning to think that maybe I was going to be alone forever, I just wanted someone to talk to or maybe too even cuddle upto at night.
Then that day finally came when someone replied to my ad. She was called Jean Davidson and we had the same interests, we wanted the same things in life.. which was to find a life partner, we both liked the same music..which was old time Jazz. We had both been single for a while, well, she had because I had never had the courage to ask someone for a date before so I was a virgin in every meaning of the word.
We had, had a few dates together and we had got on fantastically well but she would never invite me back to her house, we couldn’t go back to my house because my mother would have never have approved of me bringing another woman into the house.
I had asked her a few times as to why she would never invite me back ..Then finally, like it was something she should be ashamed of, she told me about her mother who lived with her and that she was bed ridden and had basically come home to die.
When she eventually invited me back to her house, after a night at the theatre, it was then that I first laid eyes on her mother, Maria. I tried to fight all those feelings, that I could only describe as overwhelming, that flooded my every being. I had to make my excuses to see her again.
I loved her, Jean, but for me it was more of a platonic kind of love. It was really her mother, Maria, that I had fallen in love with. I knew that she was close to death when we met but when I saw that photo of her, on her bedside cabinet on her wedding day with Jeans father, God rest his soul, she looked like a beauty queen in her white dress…my heart almost skipped a beat and I felt a feeling that I had never felt before. Even though the picture was taken almost 70 years ago..she was 19 at the time.. to me, she still looked as beautiful as she did in the photo. I made my excuses to be with her, Jeans mum that is, even playing on Jeans emotions just so I could see Maria. When Jean would leave her mums room I knew it was fate that had played its part in us being brought together…at last, I had found my true love and no one was going to stop me being with her… it could have been perfect.
It didn’t matter that Maria no longer looked like she once did because I could still see her radiating beauty. She was like an angel sent from above and God had rewarded me for some unknown reason. I would sit and hold her hand and stroke her hair. She would look at me with those once beautiful eyes that now had a misty, dull look to them, but that didn’t bother me..to me she was still gorgeous, and that’s all it took for her to steal my heart..then Jean would walk back into the room and disturb our time together, but those few single moments we shared filled me with such happiness.
The first time I kissed her, which was when Jean left me alone to look after Maria when she had to go out to the chemist for her mothers medicine, I could feel something awaken inside me.
I knew then that I truly loved Maria. My every waking thought was now focused on her, Jean was now just an excuse..hell, she was even a hinderance sometimes but I was willing to accept that to get what I wanted..that makes me sound bad but I’m not a bad person, I needed to be with the person I loved. The first time we made love together, which was made slightly awkward because of all the medical tubes that were in the way from her drip stand and such, was a moment I’ll never forget, she was everything I had imagined and more. She just laid there and accepted that our love for each other had now been confirmed by our consummation..She never protested, not once, and now we had a bond that could never be broken by anyone, including Jean!
I made more and more excuses to see Maria and I was running out of reasons to do so. Every day Maria would get weaker and weaker because of her illness but everyday my love for her grew. Jean was becoming an annoyance..almost the gooseberry in our blossoming releationship, she would watch my every move around Maria, almost like she was getting suspicious of my reason to be with her. She had no idea of the feelings we held for each other. I would take any given opportunity to kiss Maria, she didn’t ask me to kiss her but I could sense that that was what she wanted me to do..Maria never spoke once during our time together, she was like that you see..the strong silent type.
I should have never had to have hidden my feelings for Maria, you can’t decide or control who you are going to fall in love with..you can’t change destiny and I was destined to be with her.
As much as I felt for Jean she was getting in the way and I needed her to leave us alone…and then the day came when she became aware of our relationship. It happened when I went to visit Maria, I had managed to gain the trust of Jean to the point where I even had my own door key to her house, I let myself in knowing full well that Jean wasn’t there. I went to Maria’s room and stood in the doorway and looked at my beauty queen, for the first time that she looked so peaceful and content. I walked over to her bed, leant over her and kissed her on the lips but this time it felt different, then I took hold of her hand and she was cold, I tried to wake her but she just laid there, lifeless. I just sat beside Maria on her bed and knew she had passed away but I still saw the beauty in her and she was always going to be in my heart.
Death never bothered me, I can see beauty in death.
I’ve felt this way since I was twelve years old and I saw my sister when she passed away after a short illness. It wasn’t a sexual feeling towards her but something ‘stirred’ inside me..a bit like when you go on your first fairground ride and your stomach gets into a nervous excited knot, thats how I felt when I saw Maria only this time it was multiplied by a thousand
Jean had come in to the house and made her way upstairs, she was standing near the bedroom door and had seen me kissing Maria, I also had my hand beneath the covers. With my other hand I took hold of her hand and was talking to her about how much I still loved her. Jean stood there with a look of total and utter disgust, thats when I had to deliver that deathly blow to the side of Jeans head with a heavy candlestick holder that was on top of a chest of drawers, in case she told anyone of my love for her mother or worse still in case she got jealous of our love for each other…I couldn’t find the time to show Jean anymore attention because Maria took up all my spare time.
Jean collapsed to the floor hitting the other side of her head on the edge of the chest of drawers
I panicked a little, she had rather a deep cut where she had hit her head, I checked to see if Jean was still breathing..I’d killed her.
It almost felt like a relief that she was out of the way, it was the perfect scenario, there was no one around anymore to get in the way of me and Maria. I walked over to Maria and took hold of her hand and gently stroked her face. I felt uneasy knowing that Jean, as lifeless as she was, was laid staring at us so I placed one of Marias pillows over Jeans face. I laid down beside Maria and took her in my arms and gently squeezed her and as I did she exhaled the last breath from her body..it felt so good to have her in my arms, she was still warm and this was the perfect opportunity to make love to my beauty queen. I removed everything that had gotten in way last we made love, the tubes, wires and any other obstacles that got in our way. I removed her nightdress and saw her bony, wrinkled body..but that never bothered me in the slightest, it just added to her beauty. I made love to Maria slowly and gently, the last thing I wanted to was to harm her frail, old body.
It was the best experience of my life, even though Maria was dead, it felt so right.. like I had been searching for the right woman to fill my boring lonely life and there she was, laid in front of me and she was mine forever and no one, especially Jean, could seperate us. After we had made love I laid with Maria and I fell asleep, when I woke up it was dark outside. Marias body by this time had become rigid. I got out of bed, got dressed and gave Maria a kiss on the lips. Jean was still laid there, well, she would be considering she was dead. I had to move her body from Marias room, we didn’t want her there we wanted to spend our time together alone, two’s company and three is an inconvenience.
I wrapped her in a bed sheet, dragged her to the top of the stairs and pushed her body down, I then dragged her to the entrance of the basement, opened the door and threw her in.. it sounded like she hit every step on the way down… at least she was out of the way.
I went to the kitchen to wash my hands and made myself a coffee. I also counted out the pills that Maria had to take every day.. twelve in all, I still took them to her because I felt that even though she was no longer physically able to take them, I didn’t want to feel as though I was neglecting my duty of care towards her.
A couple of days had passed and I was still sleeping with Maria..we were like a proper couple, the only time I left her alone was when I had to use the bathroom or I needed to eat and drink.
We made love several times after that, on some occasions it was difficult to have intercourse but we always managed in the end.
After several days of being laid in her bed Marias body started to have a green tinge to it, then it turned purple like she had had a fall and bruised herself and then eventually her skin turned black.
The smell was horrendous but I could forgive that..for one last time I just wanted to make love to Maria, even though she was beginning to leak bodily fluid everywhere and the mattress was like a wet sponge, I knew that it was no longer possible. I had almost become used to the smell of her rotting body, some days I didnt even notice it.
Then the day came when the police knocked on the door asking if I had seen Jean because no one had heard from her and she hadn’t turned up for work, as soon as I opened the door one of the policemen nearly threw up. I ran upstairs to say my last goodbye to Maria and I managed to plant one last kiss on her lips before I was wrestled to the ground by one of the policemen.
That was the end of my relationship with my beautiful Maria, I no longer cared about Jean, it was Maria who I loved.
I now spend my time alone in my room, with just my thoughts and memories. The staff are very nice in the hospital but no one ever comes to visit me apart from Maria in my dreams at night.
Memories are the one thing no one can take away from me.
Copyright © Howard Carlyle. All rights reserved